Who doesn’t love a business student? No one that’s who and it’s now easier than ever to make your own. Check out these simple steps to supply your busy business student needs.
1 Sacrifice/College Student
2 shots of Vodka
As many Assignments as possible
20 years of Anxiety
$12,000 of Debt
16 classes of Knowledge
10 amazing teachers preferably named Tom, Kathy, Laura, Frank, Mary, Steph, Shannon, Shaun, Jackie, Julie
1 business casual outfit
- Take your sacrifice/college student and soak them in the $12,000 in debt for about their entire life. This will give them that distinct poor flavour that we’re looking for.
- Glaze your student in 20 years of anxiety to ensure it melts into the student to ensure the student never feels confident in what they are doing.
- Mix your 16 classes of knowledge with your 10 amazing teachers. You will sprinkle this in throughout the baking process to keep your business student from burning out or forgetting why they are here. This will ensure your student is grateful and happy when baking is done.
- Now that the student is properly seasoned, its time to take as many assignments as possible and just PILE THEM ON THERE! Just really beat them into the student with no breaks. Just stack as many on there as you can. For a more potent suffering flavour, make them all due on the same day and make them all worth 20% of their final grade.
- At this point in the baking process, the student should be shedding some tears, let those rest to ensure your student stays juicy. Don’t worry about adding the vodka at this point, the student will start drinking the vodka themselves when they’re ready.
- Bake for one year.
- After baking, the student will even out and come back this time with a part-time job. Now that half their time is being used, you’re going to pile on just as many assignments as before.
- If you haven’t already, add the rest of your knowledge/teacher mix. This will bring hope to your student and remind them that despite the hard stuff, they are truly happy to be here and wouldn’t give it up for anything.
- Bake for two years
- Let rest but only for 3 hours
- Dress your student in their business casual outfit that they will wear to every event because they can’t afford another one. Make sure to add the 5 dollars to their pocket, they’ll be living on that.
Baking tip! To add extra flavour you can add gallons of coffee, some drops of depression or $200 in textbooks! Happy Baking!
Congratulations! You have successfully baked your busy business student! Perfect for networking events, business meetings and capitalism. What are some of your favourite recipes? Let me know in the comments below.